What To Say When People Ask About Your Weight Guide

It’s inevitable: People are going to make comments about your weight. These can range from compliments about your appearance to ill-mannered statements about your eating habits and lifestyle. Even the most well-intentioned remarks, however, can feel uncomfortable and shake your self-confidence. Fortunately, there’s plenty you can do to manage those unwanted conversations to help keep you feeling focused on and positive about your progress.

Whenever someone makes a comment about your weight, says Christine Celio, PhD, Calibrate’s Emotional Health Expert, always remember that you don’t have to talk about your weight if you don’t want to. 

Of course, you may find certain social situations tricky to navigate because you want to avoid an awkward situation. Perhaps the comments on your weight come from a co-worker trying to make small talk at the office, or from a friend you’ve known your whole life. That’s okay—these conversations don’t have to be confrontational. A lot of these people are “just clueless that this is not a comfortable topic for you,” says Celio. Preparing for these conversations in advance goes a long way toward navigating them in the moment.

• Redirect, redirect, redirect: The art of switching topics is one of the most useful tools for handling comments about your weight, says Celio. It allows you to avoid that subject without ending the conversation altogether. Have talking points in your back pocket for these moments. If a person says, “Wow, you look great!” you might respond with, “Thanks, I’m feeling really healthy and am looking forward to this upcoming hike in the state park. Have you ever been?”

If someone asks how you lost weight, you could tell them, “I’ll send you some information on it later” or “I’d be happy to tell you all about it another time,” followed up by “Let’s talk about something else.” Talking about weight is generally boring, notes Celio, and it’s not a bad idea to point that out. If you’re stumped for conversation points, remember that people generally love to talk about themselves. A well-timed “tell me about your kids” or “I want to hear about your vacation” can come in handy.

• Be direct with people you feel comfortable with. If the person commenting on your weight is someone you trust, it can be helpful to tell them how the conversation is making you feel. If they compliment you on your weight loss, try saying “Hey, I really appreciate that and you’re being supportive, but commenting on my body actually makes me feel really uncomfortable.” You can help them understand further by explaining that you’re working hard to get healthy, not skinny, and when they say that you look thin, it doesn’t actually make you feel good.
• If people don’t get the hint, acknowledge it and move on: There will always be people who keep returning to the topic of your weight, no matter how much you redirect. A good option, says Celio, is to gently call them out on it. Try responding with: “It sounds like you really want to talk about that, but I don’t want to do that right now. Can we talk about something else?” 
• Rethink friends who comment on your eating habits. Remarks like, “You’re no fun anymore” from people you regularly eat or drink with are unfortunately common and can be discouraging, even if said in jest. These comments reflect that person’s opinions, not you, says Celio. One helpful response is “I’m sorry you feel that way, I hope we can still find fun things to do together.” If you choose to, the next time you hang out, you can try social activities that aren’t centered around food or drinking, like going for a walk or running errands together.
• Handling the backhanded compliment. Statements like “You didn’t seem that big to me before” or “You’re already so skinny!” are often meant to be positive but end up diminishing your efforts. Again, you’re not obligated to talk about it if you don’t want to. In these situations, Celio says it can be useful to simply respond with a pointed “Huh”—as if to convey “Okay, it’s cool that you think that, but there’s nothing to say here so let’s move on.”

Engaging in these conversations can feel awkward at first, and doing so can take a toll on your emotional health. Remember that progress, not perfection, is the goal, even in these situations. Simply noticing a comment makes you feel awkward, or successfully redirecting a conversation, counts as a win. “You’re different now than you were last week, not just physically but emotionally too,” says Celio. “If you’re mindful about the fact that you have a choice in these situations—not to answer these questions or not eat something that was offered to you—that’s a change. That’s progress.”